I think the most important, most powerful, most impactful thing a person can do is to love humans.
That means all humans. And I'm not referring just to other cultures and races and backgrounds, though those are included too.
I'm referring to the people that might seem to not deserve love. People who hurt others. People whose actions or inactions lead to harm. People who just seem unforgivable.
Losing sight of others' humanity is the source of resentment, of hate. And if I know one thing about hate, it's that it only hurts you. You can't hate someone into making better choices. You can't hate someone into anything they don't want to do.
I was watching TikTok recently, and I got sucked into a hole. I landed on someone's page whose whole internet personality is being a "lazy mom of 3." I watched video after video of this woman making dinner for her children on what looked like dirty dishes with bugs crawling in the background. The comments, as one can expect, were incredibly shaming, judgemental, and hateful. I could feel my own chest become hotter as I watched and anger began to build up inside me. Anger for these children who are living in this. Anger at the unmet needs and injustice.
One of my dear friends died a couple weeks ago. I think she was the best person I've ever met. She fought for restorative justice and for change. She believed in a better world. All because she loved humans. She loved humans.
I started digging into this over the summer, but especially since Ellen's death, I've become more intentional with kindness and empathy. If I could positively influence even a fraction of the amount of lives Ellen did, I will have lived a good, humble life.
So as I was watching these tiktok videos and this rage began to build, I asked myself: what must it be like to be this woman? What hurt is she hiding behind? Who would she be in different circumstances?
I have no idea what the answers to those questions are, but I thought of dozens of heartbreaking reasons why these videos could have come to be. That anger slipped away and dissipated into a deep sadness.
I just truly believe that humans are not born inherently bad. I think we hurt and we hurt each other, and that's unfortunately part of this puzzle of life.
I've been thinking a lot lately about some events from my childhood that deeply, deeply hurt me. For years and years, I've believed that those things took place because I deserved it. I was a bad kid, a bad person, and I deserved to feel bad.
I've come to the realization that, most of the time, we don't mean to hurt each other. I think most people are just doing the best they can with the tools and resources they have, and that sometimes, someone's best just really freaking sucks, but that's on them, not me. And we can call these actions wrong and bad, but I really don't think that makes the entire person bad as a whole.
I am challenging myself to not only sit with and support those who seem to be inherently good, but also with those who feel broken and drown in shame.
Because the most important, most powerful, most impactful thing a person can do is to love humans. All humans.
(Note: I am a mandated reporter and appropriate action has been taken. Holding space for someone's humanity does not mean excusing their actions or not holding them accountable.)